“It is the false shame of fools to try to conceal wounds that have not healed.”― Horace – Roman Poet
At a session on leadership at the conference I’m attending, the presenter opened for questions. “What do you do if a member of your team is toxic and it’s negatively affecting everything?” one person asked, timidly following up with, “What if that person is your boss?” The presenter shared that it’s challenging to “manage up,” a common, yet often misunderstood business term. Then he shared his philosophy. First, he asked the group how many of us were “grace talkers”— people who would never say anything that stirred the pot or led to conflict. Most people in the room raised their hands. Colossians 4:6 NIV says, Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. There’s definitely a place for the “grace talkers,” but sometimes a “false peace” is the result. Then he asked who in the group considered themselves “truth tellers”— those willing to say the hard things. A smaller group of us answered in the affirmative. Ephesians 4:25 NKJV admonishes us, Therefore, putting away lying, “ Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. There can’t be real peace without truth.
When John 1:14 describes Jesus as logos the Word, it says, “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, FULL of GRACE and TRUTH.” Jesus managed to be full of both qualities! The presenter asked, “The conversations you had about your boss with your colleagues…did you have the exact same dialogue WITH your boss?” They replied, “Not exactly…” The speaker stated he wasn’t surprised, people usually tell 90% of what needs to be said in those situations, but at those times leaders need truth talkers who are willing to tell “the other 10%.” That was an interesting way of putting it. I’ve been on the giving and receiving end of that “other 10%.” I hold more trust in those relationships because I know where we stand. Those are my go-to people when I need “the real.”
The speaker quoted Proverbs 27:6 AMP, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend [who corrects out of love and concern], But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful [because they serve his/her hidden agenda].” A WOUND is an injury to living tissue caused by a cut, blow, or other impact. Figuratively, a wound is an injury to a person’s feelings or reputation. Why would a friend wound you? Because they see a blind spot and love you enough to let you know. An enemy just wants to use you. The words faithful and trusted may not the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the truth tellers in your life, especially in conflict…but that 10% wound beats the 90% of deception hands down.
